i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
