Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
