Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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