I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
