I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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