so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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