you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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