I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize