Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
