I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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