I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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