I got chris browned last night
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
