I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
