you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize
