i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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