Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
