i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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