Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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