My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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