what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
