I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
