Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
