walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
