i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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