i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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