I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
