If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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