i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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