i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
