I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
