Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
