Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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