i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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