Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
