We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
When are your genitals available?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
