We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
