meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You've changed since you got that strap on
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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