Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
