My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
