Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
