Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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