One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
