hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
