its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
