I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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