I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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