she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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