so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
