...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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