I've blown a few things in my day
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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