Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
false alarm, still single
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
