Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
