Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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