I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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