my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
