that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
