Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just want to make out with him forever
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
