I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
