69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
