i just wanna soil my oats bro
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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