I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We're too hungover to prance.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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