sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
