proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
