I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
