All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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