Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
