using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
