Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
