he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
